Rock Bottom and Why We Have Bankrolls

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Rock Bottom and Why We Have Bankrolls

by JJ Bernthold on May 12, 2012 [710 Views]

It's days like today that I feel like playing my last hand of professional poker. This blog may be a series of thinly veiled beats; if this isn't your thing than I won't be offended if you just look at the pictures. However, it's also intended to illustrate just how nasty this game can be and serve as a cautionary tail to those who aspire to do this for a living.

I hope this is my poker rock bottom. After losing a few buyins before my trip to LA a few weeks ago, I hoped things would turn around for me during my first trip to the Golden State. Turns out, the Commerce had other plans. Losing 40 big blinds after 40 big blinds in their ridiculous cash game structures, I was experiencing the rough side of variance in a much faster and brutal way than I ever would in the deeper stacked Vegas games. I'll spare you some of the beats (for about a paragraph or so) from LA, but let's just say it wasn't pretty.

I hate this place ^

After returning to Vegas and feeling like my 100bb stack was a 5000bb stack, my ability to maneuver a larger stack was neglected by the poker gods as I continued to run very poorly. Villains with naked flush draws and underpairs continued to get there in large pots and my bankroll continually decreased.

Fast forward to tonight at a session at Bellagio that I won't soon forget. After being stuck early, I had grinded my way back to even with a stack of $360. After 2 limpers I raised the action to $12 on the button with AsAd. Small blind, big blind, and first limper calls. The second player, a tilted middle aged asian with a mountain of chips in front of him, starts to dig for chips and limp-reraies to $60. I consider how big I want to make my 4 bet and go with $145 total. He calls pretty quickly. Knowing this is a total spew by him I can't wait to get my money in the middle on the flop.

The flop is Q 5 3r. And he instantly moves all in followed quickly by my remaining $215. "Let me win this one" I say to myself as the remaining cards fall a harmless 5 and an 8. My opponent flips over his cards in excitement. I still am not too concerned as I first see a Jc. As I turn my head around his stack to see his other card my heart drops. Its the 5 of clubs. It doesn't register that I lost the pot until the dealer pushes the 2 5's on the board forward signifying trips. "Did that really just happen?" I ask myself as I take one last look at my Aces before mucking. I didn't say a word.

I do my best involuntary Mike McDermott impression without the stupid look on his face. Or maybe I did have it on and I just didn't realize it.

I sit out 2 hands in an attempt to cope with what just happened. I realize that I am not tilted at all, just kinda depressed, and decide to reload because it's a great game. After 2 orbits I've won a few small pots and have chipped up my $200 rebuy into $250 when I raise AQcc to $15 after 3 bad players limp. Only 3 gentlemen call. The flop is A83ss. All check to me and I bet $45. The big mark at the table then check-raises me all in. This particular fellow had to be reminded a few times throughout the night which direction the action goes at a poker table because, well, he just didn't know. Knowing he's doing this with any Ace I quickly call. I have a feeling he has AJ or AT and hope for no J or T on the turn and river. Turn J. River 3. He tables AJ and the 2.5 buyin pot is shipped his way. Before I could muck, the J5 villain asks to see my hand. I flash a look at him. He responds: "Nevermind". Barely able to stand and collect my things, I eventually make my way of the Bellagio and head home.

I have lost nearly 1/2 of my bankroll in the past 4 weeks. And while I would like to think that it can't possibly get any worse and I'm due for some run good (or at least avoid soul crushing run bad) I know that it doesn't matter and can keep happening. It's truly sickening. The worst part of it all is knowing how detrimental these downswings are to my "short term" goal of moving up to 2/5.

There has been a lot of interest lately from people seeking coaching on this site who are considering quitting their jobs and doing this for their living. Let me tell you all this: It's not easy.

My expenses are very low, I have absolutely zero vices or life leaks in sin city, I put in decent volume and I've essentially dedicated my life to poker and improving as a player. Even with all of these good conditions I am still having trouble moving up the ranks. So please be aware of what you're walking into before packing up the bags and moving to Vegas.

I hope to look back on this post in a few months and laugh about how big of a drama queen I'm being I hope not to look back on this post in a few months and wonder what it was like to still have a bankroll.

9 COMMENTS

by Jaymesbond on Sat May 12, 2012 09:01PM

I don't know if you have any history of playing online... but you may want to consider playing some on merge. A good way to switch up the grind and grind out some rakeback and profit to cover your smaller expenses. Just a thought, let me know if you want to set that up. Otherwise, you always sound so composed and I have seen this side of the live grind. It's not a friendly place but it looks like you are looking in the right direction. Maybe play a couple sessions where you just hit n run for a small profit, get that confidence back where you walk out of a casino with more than you came in with. Even though a games good doesn't mean the cards will go your way as you can see, sometimes a stretch of bad situations comes your way and the ONLY way to avoid it is to not be there. Good luck JJ, see you soon!

by johnkim on Sun May 13, 2012 12:29AM

Sorry to hear about your bad run. If it makes you feel any better, I'm on either my worst or 2nd worst stretch of poker over my 14 year career. What determines a strong poker player isn't the times he is winning, but how he reacts when he's losing. Hope you (and I) can start running better, but in the meantime just hang in there.

by ReiGing on Sun May 13, 2012 09:05AM

I don't think you are being a drama queen at all. I have the utmost respect for anyone that can play poker for a living. I know I could not do it, the stress of playing and knowing I have to win or not be able to pay bills would have me a nervous wreck 24/7. I do thinking posting blogs like this and Nick's do help alot of students, knowing even that really good players make mistakes, and go thru really bad runs. Only question I had; was about the Commerce, did you just run bad there, or was the 40bb structure too hard to adjust to, to be profitable at. Thanks!

by WorldsBiggestNit on Sun May 13, 2012 11:19AM

You should be taking rake as a stronger consideration in game selection. The 40BB cash games at Commerce are almost unbeatable with the rake structure. Bellagio is okay, but the Wynn is much better and you can play deeper stacked in their 1-3 game. They also have an incremental rake structure where they take the 4th dollar at $70. Might help to play at a different place mentally if you're running bad too.

by JJBernthold on Sun May 13, 2012 12:18PM

Hey thanks for the comments everyone! Jaymes, I would definitely love to play some online! My obvious concern is wasting my time by not being able to cash out my deposit or winnings or by having the doj come through the doors again. Before this particular Bellagio session I actually had booked some small wins by just playing solid and reducing variance in hopes of regaining confidence and getting back on track. I think it's why this particular loss hurt so bad :/ because it felt like I was gaining traction again just to have it taken away. How's the online grind going for you? JK, thanks for the encouragement. Although I never root for anyone besides my opponents to run bad, there is some comfort in knowing that even the best go through similar things. ReiGing, there is definitely value playing against commerce monkeys 40 bbs deep. And while the high rake and more shallow stacks in LA would lead to a lower win rate, that isn't to say the games aren't beatable. I lost all 5 flips over the weekend all in pre. lost several others on the flop when either I had a big draw vs and overpair or vice versa. lost all of those. I even moved down to 2/3 with $100 max buyin and continued to just get smashed. Here's an example. Get it aip with KK v JJd. Flop K45dd runner diamonds. and all sorts of other fun variations. And while I know the odds pre of me losing, the way it was happening was even worse. I won't be going back anytime soon until I can play the deeper 5/10 game! Nit, I am a rake nit myself and don't even play at station casinos hardly anymore b/c of the extra $1 drop. The trip to LA was just a weekend thing and me wanting to see the commerce. I will definitely consider the Wynn as I move up to 1/3 but I gotta stick to 1/2 for now! That wynn game plays more like a 2/5!

by JJBernthold on Sun May 13, 2012 12:20PM

Ok, this time with spaces. Hey thanks for the comments everyone! Jaymes, I would definitely love to play some online! My obvious concern is wasting my time by not being able to cash out my deposit or winnings or by having the doj come through the doors again. Before this particular Bellagio session I actually had booked some small wins by just playing solid and reducing variance in hopes of regaining confidence and getting back on track. I think it's why this particular loss hurt so bad :/ because it felt like I was gaining traction again just to have it taken away. How's the online grind going for you? JK, thanks for the encouragement. Although I never root for anyone besides my opponents to run bad, there is some comfort in knowing that even the best go through similar things. ReiGing, there is definitely value playing against commerce monkeys 40 bbs deep. And while the high rake and more shallow stacks in LA would lead to a lower win rate, that isn't to say the games aren't beatable. I lost all 5 flips over the weekend all in pre. lost several others on the flop when either I had a big draw vs and overpair or vice versa. lost all of those. I even moved down to 2/3 with $100 max buyin and continued to just get smashed. Here's an example. Get it aip with KK v JJd. Flop K45dd runner diamonds. and all sorts of other fun variations. And while I know the odds pre of me losing, the way it was happening was even worse. I won't be going back anytime soon until I can play the deeper 5/10 game! Nit, I am a rake nit myself and don't even play at station casinos hardly anymore b/c of the extra $1 drop. The trip to LA was just a weekend thing and me wanting to see the commerce. I will definitely consider the Wynn as I move up to 1/3 but I gotta stick to 1/2 for now! That wynn game plays more like a 2/5! Did it work?

by WorldsBiggestNit on Sun May 13, 2012 01:40PM

Have you considered grinding the freerolls or rakeback locations on the strip? I think TI pays its players like $10/hr rakeback if you can play 40 hrs/week. There are a bunch of other places on the strip that offer freerolls for a certain amount of time played/week.

by JJBernthold on Sun May 13, 2012 03:10PM

Ya it's definitely something worth reconsidering. I have in the past and decided it wasn't worth it at the time. Mainly because these types of promotions draw in other tight, old grinders and don't make for good games generally. I've also found that places like TI and Tropicana that offer rakeback promotions rake ridiculously high in the meantime. Something like $4 rake drop + $3 for promotions. So it ends up being close anyway. I think I would just prefer low rake, soft games but something I will look more closely into now.

by joetehan on Mon May 14, 2012 09:38AM

Good post JJ. Hate to read it and hear about the bad run. It's never easy to go through losing, especially an extended stretch of it. Hope things turn around during the WSOP for you. We'll have to meet up then.